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Here Comes the Campbell Duck

All Mrs. Campbell wanted was a good meat bird to feed her family. Ducks seemed like a good choice, so she crossed a Fawn-and-White Indian Runner with a Rouen. That did the trick. (This is like crossing a long distance runner with a ball player from Ole Miss. What you get is a short Michael Oher that can lay 300 eggs a year.) At this time, a duck's color is important, so she breeds her new Campbell duck with a Pencil Runner to give it a buff color similar to the uniform of a British soldier. (This sounds like a load of hooey. Say nothing. Let's move on.) She names it The Khaki Campbell. Egg production is high, but they are not good brooders. (That means they don't like sitting around keeping their eggs warm, but if all you want are eggs for breakfast, you are solid.) Adel Campbell introduces her new breed to the English public this year. They won't come to the United States for another 20 years. Their popularity will soar in the 1970s along with a back-to-the-farm craze. They will become popular with the Asian community as well. [1] [2] [3] [4]

My Take by Alex Shrugged
I don't recall a back-to-the-farm craze in the 1970s. I recall a "I-don't-want-to-take-a-BATH-any-more" craze, but that was short-lived. The statistics on this particular duck are impressive. Incubation takes 23 to 28 days. They reach maturity in 7 months. An adult weighs in at about 3 to 5 pounds. Also, in researching this topic I noticed that retired people enjoy raising this duck. How do I know this? Because they mention the frickin' ducks in their obituary! How many times have you seen this line in an obituary: "And she loved raising her 17 Khaki Campbells." If a bunch of old people think that chasing these ducks around the yard is a reasonable thing to do, who am I to argue? I have seen warnings that certain crossbreeds of Campbells do not lay well. A word to the wise is sufficient.

Theodore Rex is Loose in the Paddock!

President McKinley has won a second term, but the Wall Street manipulators are crushing the hopes of the little guy! (Uh... yeah. The Panic of 1901 is in full swing, but the solution of the nihilist/anarchists is crazy!) McKinley's secretary has expressed his worry that the recent rash of assassinations in Europe might come to America, but the President refuses to change his schedule. (After all, if we change what we are doing, the terrorists win. Right?... Wait... What?) McKinley delivers his speech as scheduled, and steps down to greet the crowd. A second-generation Polish-American shoots him in the abdomen with a .32 Iver Johnson revolver, the gun "safe enough for a baby to handle," as the advertising goes. The doctors cannot find the bullet and since no antibiotics exist, the President succumbs to infection. Theodore Roosevelt is President of the United States and a Republican. He is an exciting guy. People love his energy, but he is the guy who said that he will "speak softly, but carry a big stick". Wherever will he lead us? [5] [6]

"Roosevelt's all right, but he's got no more use for the Constitution than a tomcat has for a marriage license."
--Joseph G. Cannon, Republican and Speaker of the House. [7]
My Take by Alex Shrugged
In the early years of the 20th century, the Vice-Presidency is where you sideline political liabilities, and Theodore "TR" Roosevelt is a very big liability. He is personally brave, charming to women and inspiring to men. He is the very best that the 19th century has to offer, which is the problem. He will do things differently simply to blaze a new trail. He will impose his will on others not because he has a desire to dominate. He believes that his way is best, and it is his noble obligation to lead. In the modern day we would call him an elitist, but he doesn't think he is better than others. He knows it. This sort of attitude can be helpful to society in many ways, but obviously destructive in other ways. Roosevelt prefers to be called "TR" or simply, "The Colonel". If you call him "Teddy" you will regret it. He is a Republican Progressive at a time when the word "progressive" is a good word. He doesn't just want fair play. He wants to change the rules to make sure it comes out that way. So now we march into the future with a dynamic and inspiring Republican President who knows what is best for us and will make sure we get it, good and hard. Wait... I was talking about Roosevelt. Right? Just checking. [8]

The Righteous Fists of Heaven Go Down Hard

The Chinese Boxer Rebellion is complicated, so let me say this.... if you ever have a sudden urge to fight for God and expect the Multitudes of Heaven to lend their swords to your righteous cause .... have a beer and re-think that one for a while. It is called the Boxer Rebellion by the English because it is led by young martial artists that the English call "Boxers". Their exact name translates as "The Righteous and Harmonious Fists". They are pretty good fighters, but invincible they are not. They are sick of the China's modernization, the Christian missionaries, and with the recent drought, they are flocking to the cities for food. On the other hand, the Boxer's solution to China's growing pains is to chop the Christians into bok choy. The reaction of the Christian nations is naturally... severe. The Eight-Nation Alliance is leaning hard on the Empress. The Alliance has taken Beijing, and while their ultimate success is far from guaranteed, the Empress is not an idiot. By decree of the Empress, the life of anyone associated with the Boxers is now forfeit. Heads will roll... quite literally. The Boxers are going down hard, but the consequences of this rebellion will be playing out for years to come. [9] [10] [11]

In Other News

  • Marconi receives a radio signal from across the Atlantic. Trans-Atlantic wireless is here! [12]
  • J. P. Morgan founds U.S. Steel. It starts with 1.4 billion dollars. (That is almost 40 billion in 2015 dollars.) [12] [13]
  • Dr. Alzheimer diagnoses a strange dementia in a patient. Yes. It is Alzheimer's Disease. [14]
  • The electric vacuum cleaner is patented. All vacuum cleaners will be based on this design. [15]

This Year in Wikipedia

Year 1901, Wikipedia.

See Also


  1. Michael Oher. wikipedia.org (November 18, 2016). Retrieved on November 18, 2016.
  2. The Blind Side Opening. youtube.com (May 22, 2013). Retrieved on November 18, 2016.
  3. Campbell Duck. The American Livestock Breeds Conservancy (November 18, 2016). Archived from the original on June 19, 2006. Retrieved on November 18, 2016. “From this humble foundation, one of the world's most prolific egg laying breed, the Campbell, was developed. The breed was introduced to the public in 1898 with these original Campbells resembling poorly colored Mallards. In an attempt to create a buff duck (buff colored feathers were a fad at this time), Mrs. Campbell mated her original Campbells back to Penciled Runner ducks.”
  4. Solid. urbandictionary.com (November 18, 2016). Retrieved on November 18, 2016. “A state of being 'okay' or chill.”
  5. Iver Johnson. wikipedia.org (November 18, 2016). Retrieved on November 18, 2016.
  6. William McKinley: Assassination and death throes. wikipedia.org (November 18, 2016). Retrieved on November 18, 2016.
  7. Joseph Gurney Cannon. wikipedia.org (November 18, 2016). Retrieved on November 18, 2016. “"...has no more use for the Constitution than a tomcat has for a marriage license."”
  8. Edmund Morris. The rise of Theodore Roosevelt. Modern Library. ISBN 0375756787. “Expert opinion rates his influence over Congress as greater than that of Kaiser Wilhelm II over the Reichstag. He commands a twenty-four-seat majority in the Senate, a hundred-seat majority in the House, and the frank adoration of the American public. A cornucopia of gifts pours daily into the White House mail-room: hams shaped to match the Rooseveltian profile, crates of live coons, Indian skin paintings, snakes from a traveling sideshow, chairs, badges, vases, and enough Big Sticks to dam the Potomac. One million "Teddy" bears are on sale in New York department stores. Countless small boys, including a frail youngster named Gene Tunney, are doing chest exercises in the hope of emulating their hero's physique.” 
  9. Boxer Protocol. wikipedia.org (November 18, 2016). Retrieved on November 18, 2016.
  10. Boxer Rebellion. wikipedia.org (November 18, 2016). Retrieved on November 18, 2016.
  11. Gernet, Jacques (1996). A History of Chinese Civilization, translated by Foster, J. R. and Hartman, Charles (in English), Cambridge University Press. “In the short lapse of time granted to China to create a modern industry and to renovate her army and navy in order to fight against the growing economic and military power of her external enemies, that is, from the recapture of Nanking in 1864 to the disaster of 1894, she had simultaneously to end the revolts, re-establish her authority in central Asia, make good all the destruction, and struggle on all sides against attacks from outside.” 
  12. 12.0 12.1 Grun, Bernard. The Timetables of History: A Horizontal Linkage of People and Events. Simon and Schuster, 454-455. 
  13. U.S. Steel: Formation. wikipedia.org (November 18, 2016). Retrieved on November 18, 2016.
  14. Alois Alzheimer. wikipedia.org (November 18, 2016). Retrieved on November 18, 2016.
  15. Hubert Cecil Booth. wikipedia.org (November 18, 2016). Retrieved on November 18, 2016.

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